Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
