Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize