I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My vagina is officially offended.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
