i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
