its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
