dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
