ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
