Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
birth control should be required to get into college
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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