Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
