I CAN MOONWALK!
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
They took my balls.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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