I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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