i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
