I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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