I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
