I wish I could punch you in the face.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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