I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
