I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
