Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
