PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
