he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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