she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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