Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
