Buhtt sex?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
