so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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