I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
