I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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