When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
