I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You were trust falling into bushes
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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