just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
