so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
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My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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