Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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