He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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