i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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