I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
