So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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