If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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