no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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