Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize