K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
