Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
