I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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