I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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