so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
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Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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