my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
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All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
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I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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