I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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