The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
