It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Randomize
