Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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