I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
