Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
