I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
