i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
