And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
