if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
