Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
