There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
