Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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