she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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