Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
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i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
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okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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