wakey wakey hands off snakey
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
