I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
