Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I FOUND THE LEGS
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
