i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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