just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
