just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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