Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
