Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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