my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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