I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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