i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
