I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
