he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
