Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
