Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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