I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
