The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
