With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
