I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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