you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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