Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
