Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
