i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
